Being a Marriage and Family Therapist, it’s not uncommon to see people go through some of the most indescribable, painful traumas in their lives. It’s no surprise to me that current injustices happening within the black community would be triggering of trauma. African Americans have a history of betrayal and trauma that we simply cannot overlook. When you study trauma you will see different stages that mirror grief. There’s shock, sadness, anger, justice, restitution, etc. Healing from trauma is also not linear so it makes sense why someone’s pain could easily be triggered and raise an alarm for restitution, crying for an acknowledgment of the pain, and begging the offenders be held accountable. If we are avoidant, absent, reactive or dismissive, it appears to those hurting as if we are in collusion with the offense. Being dismissive comes across as insensitive and irresponsible as a Christian. God calls us to respond in Isaiah 1:16, “Wash yourselves, make yourselves clean; Put away the evil of your doings from before My eyes. Cease to do evil, Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless, Plead for the widow.” My favorite author, Ellen White, said in her writings,
“The law of God contained in the ten commandments reveals to man his duty to love God supremely and his neighbor as himself. The American nation owes a debt of love to the colored race, and God has ordained that they should make restitution for the wrong they have done them in the past. Those who have taken no active part in enforcing slavery upon the colored people are not relieved from the responsibility of making special efforts to remove, as far as possible, the sure result of their enslavement.” Ellen G. White - Adventist Review, January 21, 1896
I think it would be prudent of us as a nation to prioritize those who have been oppressed, violated, and hurt. Not only does God understand the trauma that our black brothers and sisters have experienced but God ordains that restitution should be made for the wrong. From research in the field of psychotherapy, wounds will not completely heal unless the pain is recognized, validated, and fully faced. Perhaps when someone courageously speaks up about their suffering, we could answer as Christ leads us to do,
“Cry aloud, spare not; Lift up your voice like a trumpet; Tell My people their transgression, And the house of Jacob their sins… Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke? Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’” Isaiah 58: 1-9 (I encourage you to read the rest of the chapter, it’s promise given is beautiful.)
When we say “Here I am” to our brethren, let us have a spirit of humility as we seek to connect in love with them.
Humility is a key component to having empathy and a skill of emotional intelligence.
Pastor Kevin McGill in the same article mentioned above explains, “Christianity isn’t about defending theological terms. Christianity is about helping people find life-changing encounters with Jesus. The greatest argument for Christianity today is loving and lovable Christians1 who point people to a loving and lovable God. Give the benefit of the doubt, seek to connect with others before trying to correct them. Prioritize defending hurt people above defending theological opinions. Be empathetic.” -Kevin McGill, may/june 2020 edition of the Gleaner p. 61. (https://gleanernow.com/news/2020/04/benefit-doubt-part-2)
Though Kevin was referring to people’s wounds from Christianity, I think the same concepts can be applied to this current anti-racism movement. If you seek true empathy for the person that has been hurt, you can show care for them; valuing their trauma above yourself. Empathy is presently listening without the intention to speak back. It’s attempting to not judge or see their experience through your own thick lens. Brené Brown says, “in order to empathize with someone’s experience you must be willing to believe them as they see it and not how you imagine their experience to be.” Listening to others in this way doesn’t mean you have to adopt their belief system that might contradict your values.
HOW TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS WHO DON’T THINK THE WAY YOU DO:
Put others first - Catch yourself waiting to talk or share your opinion and stop yourself.
Demonstrate humility - Admit that you don’t know everything and you’d like to learn from them.
Seek a genuine interest - Express a desire to meekly understand their perspective even if you disagree.
Affirm and ask - affirm what they said, “So what I heard you saying was…” then ask them more, “what do you mean when you say____?” Push yourself to remain interested in what that person has to say and validate their feelings. “I can see how that would be hurtful to you.”
Lead them to Jesus - explain that even if you don’t understand, there is a God in Heaven along with His son Jesus, who does. We can trust Him and pray to Him about all our pain! Ask to pray with them.
Commit to an attitude of lifelong learning - Tell yourself, “I would like to be more teachable. I can always learn more.” “I wonder what I can learn from this person who is so uniquely different from me? Stay curious about others!
I believe Jesus is coming soon and we need to be ready to “give a defense to everyone who asks us a reason for the hope that is in you” but it’s with “meekness and fear.” 1 Peter 3:15. The Lord respects meekness so much because it’s the agent that allows us to surrender more completely to Him. The Bible says, “The meek He will guide in judgment: and the meek will He teach His way.” Psalm 25:9. “The meek are guided by the Lord, because they are teachable, willing to be instructed. They have a sincere desire to know and to do the will of God.” Those with meekness do not have a know-it-all spirit and will not convey that to others. But “God does not force the will of any; hence He cannot lead those who are too proud to be taught, who are bent upon having their own way.” - Patriarchs and Prophets p. 384. Meekness includes looking outside of yourself in order to reach those around you.
MEEKNESS INCLUDES LOOKING OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF IN ORDER TO REACH THOSE AROUND YOU.
“Christ’s method alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Saviour mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence. Then He bade them, “Follow me.” There is need of coming close to the people by personal effort.... We are to weep with those that weep, and rejoice with those that rejoice. Accompanied by the power of persuasion, the power of prayer, the power of the love of God, this work will not, cannot, be without fruit. Heavenly intelligences are waiting to cooperate with human instrumentalities, that they may reveal to the world what human beings may become, and what, through union with the Divine, may be accomplished for the saving of souls that are ready to perish. There is no limit to the usefulness of one who, putting self aside, makes room for the working of the Holy Spirit upon his heart and lives a life wholly consecrated to God.” – {Ellen White ~Maranatha 103.5 - 103.7}
Now is the time to be “swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19-20), diligent to understand, and open to taking a Godly stand against injustice. I can’t say what that looks like for you exactly, but I encourage you to stretch your thinking. Take time to be learning and keep your own biases and distortions in check. Do not becoming easily offended or push your own agenda full of opinions that may be dismissive to those who have been hurt by the history of oppression. Prioritize those who are hurting.
Remember, underneath anger is paralyzing fear or deep sadness, it’s a cry for a recognition of oppression and injustice. Let’s try to seek empathy more regarding “people less in the light of what they do or don’t do, and more in the light of what they suffer.” Deitrich Bonheoffer. I think that’s what Amy would want.
*Amy is an alias name to protect the identity of the individual.
Just in case you missed Part I
**To hear more about meekness, don’t miss this powerful sermon by Dee Casper called An Appeal to Christians: https://www.audioverse.org/english/sermons/recordings/22068/an-appeal-to-christians.html
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